Ten Weeks Postpartum

This is all normal.

I repeated it over and over and over again. I even wrote it on a piece of paper and taped it in front of the chair I nursed my son in — along with: There will be coffee. There will be sunshine. Go for a walk. I repeated to myself, It will not stay dark forever. It couldn’t, right?

I had no idea how achingly exhausted I would feel, how lonely being a new mother would be. Even if someone told me, which I’m sure someone did, you don’t understand the pain and complete disorientation until you experience it.

WordsMaggie TrelaJanuary 20, 2023MotherhoodComment

Am I Ready

Growing up, I always liked babies and loved to hold them. I was the "perfect little helper," my Aunt Marie would say. If you'd asked me if I wanted children of my own, I would have unequivocally said yes. "Maybe 4 or 5," I'd say, "but I'm waiting until I'm 30."

I turned 30 this year, and I don't feel ready to have children. Not not ready in the you're never ready sense, but not ready in the maybe I actually won't. I still love babies but me, a mother? The ticking time clock of my ovaries was starting to feel like a deafening bell ringing, "Do you want to become a mother or not?" It was a sweet winter weekend that taught me there might be room for both....

WordsMaggie TrelaDecember 29, 2017MR Writers Club, Motherhood Comment